...and its name is fuck, yes.
I have a recommendation. Roll your face back and forth across your keyboard. Where have all the good times gone?
Go and listen to some fucking Porcupine Tree. Loser.
- Fuck, yes.
- I just completed this level on Advance Wars DS.
- Oh. I thought you were calling me.
- Just because I don't have thumbs.
- Fuck you, goat.
- Oh... Pedist.
- Fuck you. Only one person reading this will get that.
- Go wash the fucking dishes, prick.
- I can't.
- I know.
- Don't make me milk you.
- I'm sorry.
- Marriage is so hard...
- Fuck you.
I think we have all learned a lesson today. Comment or I'll cut you.
I've been playing Torus Trooper all day, and it's fucking awesome. It's a shmup with a skewed camera angle and a gameplay twist; lives are infinite, but time isn't. Die as many times as you want, but each death will cost you 15 seconds. You gain 15 secoonds for reaching certain point thresholds, and you gain either thirty seconds or forty five seconds for minibosses and bosses respectively. It sounds minor, but you can change the ship's speed, so if you go faster you get to each boss, and each time bonus faster. At faster speeds you also get more bullets per round. But, when you go faster it's much harder to dodge bullets and you might miss out on the fifteen second bonuses. It's this little mechanic that makes you constantly push your own skill for that high score.
And on top of that, there's the playing field itself. It's a torus shape (as the name might suggest), which, for the hard of thinking, is kinda like a donut shape. with you on the inside wall. The path insode the torus constantly splits into new paths, so if you hit the wall you slow down, but if you're fast you can hit hidden passages, which are faster but full of enemys. And then there's the charge attack to wank up all of your tactics. You charge up a weapon, you're immune from bullets while doing it, and it clears bullets from the screen when released. As ever, this is balanced with the negative of going half speed during the charge-up time.
But the best thing about this marvel of freeware is the experience of actually playing it. It's the illegitimate love child of F-Zero GX and Ikaruga. It's Radiant Silvergun on speed. It's the next best thing to the sadly cancelled Unity. It is fucking amazing. And while playing it, it's impossible to blink. And that can only be a good thing in my book.
It's made by Kenta Cho, who also did the almost equally wonderful rRootage. But that's a different story entirely...
Both are freeware, bith are made by Kenta Cho, and both deserve a chunk of your time.