Nintendo Character Profile | Master Hand

By Adam Riley 28.03.2006


Master Hand


The worst hand job ever...

Profile by Joe Brukner < thejoemeister ~ Cubed3 Writer :: General Writer >

Introduction
At first glance, Master Hand appears to be some kind of glove used by an invisible hand that manages to fly around and do all kinds of crazy stuff to the poor Smash Bros. fighters. At second glance, this is confirmed.

Statistics

Age: That glove looks like 70's fashion, so we'd say he was born around then.

Species: Hand. Also, apparently he's also a master of his species.

Location: On a fighting stage, waiting for someone to come and play with him/beat him into submission.

Birth: I suppose he must have had a Mummy hand and a Daddy hand, but anything beyond that is both weird and something to think about in your spare time.

Main Features: He has four fingers and one thumb. Some might argue that the thumb is also a finger, but they'd be dead wrong.

Clothing: He's a white glove with little things for the knuckles that let him move around without restriction. Quite comfortable, really.

Concept
You know those things on the ends of your arms? Hands! What if little toys brought to life through the power of imagination had to fight your hands! And with this idea, Master Hand was born. This character has been fingering the small toys and then beating them off the fighting platform ever since. He has actually shown a particular interest in little pink Kirby, actually coming into Kirby's own game in order to grab him, touch him and play around with the cute ball of innocence...I need a shower.

Appearances

  • Super Smash Bros. (N64)
  • Super Smash Bros. Melee (GCN)
  • Kirby & the Amazing Mirror (GBA)
Best Appearance
The first Super Smash Bros. was his first appearance, but to honest, he was at his prime in the second game in the series. In the second game, he would willingly poke, rub and squeeze the fighters into submission.

Do Not Mention...
Crazy Hand. It's a well known fact that all lefties are crazy, and this brother of Master Hand is no exception. Despite their difficult history and long standing sibling rivalry, Master Hand called Crazy in to help him with some of the more difficult Smash Bros. But rather than helping, Crazy suprisingly just went crazy and was no help at all.

In closing...
He's a formidable enemy with a wide range of attacks, so I'm sure he'll make a reappearance in the next Smash Bros. I imagine he'd be eager to return after spending all this time just waiting to be released upon those poor defenceless statues to touch. He's sure to get back into the swing of things and rub, stroke and generally just do things that could be substituted for sexual acts in a lewd Character Profile.

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