Cubed3 Mailbag #4

By James Temperton 30.07.2003 1

Cubed3 Mailbag 4
Wario will eat you.

Cubed3 Mailbag
Cubed3 features an unbiased mailbag each week, with the best questions being posted up and answered by resident expert, Wario, who is presumed dead for this issue. From here on in, the views expressed here are not that of the site. Prepare to be thumped – all unedited for your reading pleasure...

Introducing The Stand In Crew
We had to get something to replace Wario, but the thing is he is such an indispensable fellow. Anyway, after traipsing the streets of sunny Weymouth we found another man calling himself Wario and willing to do the job for a fiver and a lock of JB's hair, we welcome Wario...erm...from Weymouth!

Question and Answer
Judging by Nintendo's showing at this years E3 it has made me wonder, are the company we all know and love taking their foot off the gas as far as the GameCube is concerned? Without any solid evidence of Mario or Zelda returning to the GameCube and only a spatter of big name titles coming from the Big N it has made me think; are Nintendo starting to focus more heavily on the N5 or GameCube 2, whatever takes your fancy. It makes sense, the PSX is set for late 2004 release and Nintendo have already gone of the record numerous times regarding that fact that they will be there ready to fight Sony and Microsoft right from the beginning, even get their next console out before the competition make their move. What are your views on the subject?
David Reston

As we've all come to learn over the years, Nintendo is a very secretive company and always manages to keep some big-name titles under its hat until its good and ready to unveil them to the world. Unfortunately, this has lead to some people giving up hope on the company and completely losing their faith in the once uber-developer. Personally it looks as if Nintendo has resigned itself to the fact that the GameCube has no hope in hell of catching the PS2, though, therefore don't expect any revolutionary titles before the birth of the Ultra NES (or whatever) - most are likely to be 'filler' games, i.e. high quality, but quickly churned out of the game-making mill.

Well well well. F Zero scores lower than expected in Japan, and I have to say I am shocked. I thought this game was certain to be of an excellent nay outstanding quality. What are your views on it?

Look, okay, just because most people assumed that Kirby Air Ride would bomb when reviewed next to F-Zero GX, and then it ends up receiving two marks more than it, does not mean that the Nintendo-Sega co-developed title received a lukewarm review. Both still got over 30/40, thus placing them in the 'Gold' category, meaning that they're deemed to be in the top percentile on the GameCube system. Anyway, just look at Sega on the whole, when compared to Nintendo...A lot of stalwart fans were extremely worried that the inconsistent home of Sonic would ruin the 1st Class quality that is associated with the futuristic racing series. Be thankful the game's as good as it is!

Why is your name a shameless copy of Mario's and have you ever considered Weight Watchers?[

Well there, skippy, Wario's parents had a plan to rid the world of Mario and replace him with their son. But as they didn't know how to write (or speak, come to think of it), when the travesty was brought into the world, the only way they could spell out his name was by moving magnetic letters around on their fridge. Unfortunately they got the 'M' the wrong way round...and the rest is history. As for Weight Watchers, well, it's his metabolism that's the problem - nothing works!

[b]What are your views on Nintendo's little advertising strategy to use the gameboy's catalogue of games to boost the GC's?
Nicolas Lee

I am guessing we are talking about the GBPlayer here, and I think it is a fine idea. It is only brining together like minded gamers. Both GameCube and GBA stand for similar things, great gaming, Nintendo goodness, simple, modern and fun. For starters why shouldn't Nintendo be allowed to use slightly more smutty methods to promote sales of the GameCube. One of the PS2's major selling points is that is plays PSone games. Some people are just never satisfied.

How do you get your nose so pink/purple and big? I've been trying for weeks with various methods like boxing gloves and cars, but I can never get my nose as big and purple as yours!
Liam Underwood

It is quite a bit more simple than you might think, but I respect that you lack in the cranial department so allow me to explain. First take yourself a meat tenderiser, take said nose, place it on a table and start to mash. Once all feeling of pain has ceased move towards the nearest freezer and attach your newly damaged face to a block of ice. Now that a small section of your face is numb you can go and get yourself run over by a small car, it has to be small mind otherwise you are in trouble. We are talking Metro size here. Now this car is located stand side onto it so that the numb part of your face will catch the speeding machine. There are two outcomes, if you stand to close you will have no head less, and thus no need for a purple nose or you will have a wonderfully purple nose. Please let me know the outcome.

Hey Wario why are you so resentful towards Mario. I mean is it cus Mario is Ninty's lead man and has millions of fans worldwide, or is it cus he's got Peach and you never get any lovin?

If I ever wanted the loving of Peach then I would be more than happy to get it, but she is just a cheap slut that will let you get inside her for no more than a few mushroom and some magic coins, I am better than that. She is also has various STDs and I like to keep my sexual organs fresh and disease free. Now there is a nice image for you. As for Mario, he is the local bicycle and will get it on for a horse. I think I should shut up for the sake of world peace now...

Hello C3. Do ya think that if EA made a Simpsons game, that actually worked, it would be a success?
Lenny the gimp

All Simpsons games are a success. EA could make a game that is nothing more than you standing in a room doing nothing but rocking from side to side put 'Simpsons Extreme' on the box and it would sell. Do I think EA can make a decent Simpsons game? Well why should they bother, this is EA we are talking about, they know how to make money and it doesn’t always involve making good games.

Want your question answered? It’s simple and our expert, Wario, will do his best to answer all your questions. Just click on the submit link below, fill out the quick form and that’s it!

Submit Mailbag Question

Post Your comments below.

Comment on this article

You can comment as a guest or join the Cubed3 community below: Sign Up for Free Account Login

Preview PostPreview Post Your Name:
Validate your comment
  Enter the letters in the image to validate your comment.
Submit Post


There are no replies to this article yet. Why not be the first?

Subscribe to this topic Subscribe to this topic

If you are a registered member and logged in, you can also subscribe to topics by email.
Sign up today for blogs, games collections, reader reviews and much more
Site Feed
Who's Online?
Azuardo, jgeist, Miss Multi-Console

There are 3 members online at the moment.