Super Meat Boy

Just as Mario has to trek off on a regular basis to save his beloved Princess Peach (nee Toadstool), the whole purpose of Meat Boy's adventure in Super Meat Boy (hmm, 'SMB' - what other popular platform game has the same initials? Hint: it is not Super Monkey Ball!) is to rescue his girlfriend, Bandaid Girl. Rather than being an extremely gorgeous, stunning young lady with an odd nickname, she is literally made up of 99% plasters, whilst some believe the other 1% is sheer wickedness. Looking at the bulge between her stumpy legs, however, Cubed3 wonders if that 1% may well be something entirely different. But gender-bending aside, the question is: has she been whisked away by a giant reptile called Wowser? Nope, as that would indeed be far too unoriginal. Instead, Team Meat's major bad guy for Super Meat Boy is none other than a foetus in a jar...in a suit...inside a giant mechanoid version of King Koopa himself. Actually, that last part is, unsurprisingly, a complete fabrication. The nefarious Dr. Fetus is rumoured to not even be a doctor, a bit like those Uncles and Aunts that are not really related to you, yet that has not stopped him from operating his dastardly scheme, injecting mayhem into any situation possible and prescribing sheer terror to all. Oh, and he wears a monocle - or, to be more accurate, his suit and jar wear the one-piece lens.

For those eager to know some serious details about the game, and are tired of the cheesy puns littering this preview, Super Meat Boy is a traditional 2D platform game that gets its inspiration from hardcore NES games such as Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels, Mega Man 2 and Ghosts and Goblins. The team has taken the core elements from those devastatingly tough yesteryear classics and made Super Meat Boy into a twitch-reaction, hard as nails, platform romp that will test the resolve of even the most resilient, true hardcore gamer (although I did find a short-cut to the goal that left Team Meat's Tommy mystified, with him muttering that it should not have been possible to pull off such a move, so he will need to look it at later in the development process - now how is that for hardcore!). Even upon safely navigating your way passed the hordes of buzz-saws and crumbling ledges, niftily leaping from wall to wall and finally reaching Bandaid Girl (who swiftly gets dragged away by Dr. Fetus again), deaths a-plenty will have taken place beforehand, and upon completing a level players are 'treated' to every single one of these failed attempts, with them being replayed all at the same time so people can relive the torturous moments they faced again and again and again (until eventually skipped, of course!).

 

The game will feature a story mode, and have more than one hundred levels to tackle, spanning five chapters, each one gruesomely tough and set to the backdrop of haunted hospitals, salt factories and even hell. It also offers up Versus and Party multi-player modes (for between two and four people), a full level editor, warp zones, a whole host of hidden characters (see below) and stacks of secrets to uncover, as well as epic boss fights and time trials. It should also be noted that all that fun you had with the online Flash version will not be replicated in this WiiWare version; it will be surpassed, since the game has been completely built from the ground-up again, with the developers promising a 100% fresh experience.

As if all of this bloody shenanigans was not enough, Team Meat has bribed, coerced, threatened and offered many a sexual favour (*unconfirmed at time of publishing*) to other developers in this so-called 'Indie Scene' (after all, how many are actually from Indiana, you tell me!). Currently the only characters confirmed are Tim from Braid, Alien Hominid, Commander Video from the BIT.TRIP games and Gish, the popular ball of tar. With more than twenty set to be included, it will certainly be fun trying to guess who/what will make the cut. Rather than merely make cameos, though, Meat Boy will find himself in their games via special warp zones, whilst some of the characters will also be playable in Super Meat Boy itself (complete with different handling to Meat Boy, plus some will even have special abilities and death animations). This is all very well and good, but Cubed3 just hopes that its suggestions for some of Meat Boy's friends are eventually included, with the likes of the super posh Sir Loin, kilt-wearing Aberdeen Angus, Australian Bruce the Birthday Beefcake and Japanese sumo wrestler, 18oz Rump, are included in some form…We will certainly not hold our breath, though.