Senran Kagura: Shinovi Versus (PC) Review

Three different ninja schools, five young and busty girls in each one, 30 bouncing tatas, and a gazillion pieces of lingerie to tear to… pieces. The story? What about it? Read this one more time: three different ninja schools, five young and busty girls in each one, 30 bouncing tatas, and a gazillion pieces of lingerie to tear to pieces. Got it now?

Those who have seen even one episode of the anime series know that there is no plot here. All this talk about the three classes of shinobi trainees and their rivalry is just an excuse to choose a cutie, enter the arena, kick the other girl's curvy, peachy behinds, and undress her in the process. Just be prepared for lots of lame humour/sexual innuendos, as well as heroines that constantly shout, scream, and yell, in dolphin-like frequencies.

Besides the annoying audio section of Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus (catchy music aside), it would be a lie to say that this isn't a joy to watch… behind a locked door… and while parents/girlfriends/wives/pets are not home. Undoubtedly, part of the fun here is watching the girls while they move around wearing all sorts of skimpy clothes that wear down during fights, not to mention boobies that move so much that Dead or Alive 5 Last Round feels like a stationary image.

Don't expect a technical marvel, though - in fact, don't even expect a well-tweaked product. Coming straight from the PS Vita, this has been left as it was, low quality textures and all, something that shows in the, generally, much larger monitors of PC gamers. Furthermore, the frame rate is somewhat… unreliable, especially outside of the battles, for some reason! The worst thing, however, is the duration of loading screens, with one standing between each menu, level, reward dialogue, visual novel-like conversation, etc.

While this might sound as blasphemy, though, the boobage contained in here isn't enough to erase all these problems, and, even more importantly, can't make this something more than the dull and repetitive beat 'em up that it is. Mechanics/controls-wise, it's a solid brawler. It's fast, each of the girls that can be chosen before a stage attack in a unique way, and… well, that's all, to be honest!

This has to be repeated once more: watching the girls getting undressed due to all that fighting will bring a big sweaty smile to the weeaboo inside us all. Unfortunately, that's never enough in the long run. After watching a girl transforming into her 'Shinobi' form while her animated jugs… animate for the hundredth time, the excitement factor decreases by tenfold, and the cracks start showing.

As mentioned before, this is a solid title, but it's far from a flawless one. For starters, it's insanely repetitive, evident by the fact that, although one can use a multitude of moves to attack/evade/defend, all it takes to win is simply mashing the attack button, then entering the more powerful Shinobi form, and keep on hitting the other gal. Speaking of which, the opponent AI is pretty cheap since all characters tend to chain combos together while rarely giving an opening for the player to react. Does this make Shinovi Versus challenging? Not really, because the one holding the gamepad can get cheap, too.

The technique needed to do so? Just go into 'Frantic' mode, which leaves the player's character defenceless, with nothing but her lingerie covering the important stuff, but also raises the attack capabilities so much that it's possible to win in a matter of milliseconds - and no, the strategy doesn't have to change throughout the game, since it's the same from start to finish. In the end, the only joy here besides the overall "ecchiness" is the pleasure of collecting money to buy more clothes for the girls to wear and tear; nothing more, nothing less.