Superman Returns: The Videogame (Nintendo DS) Review

Most if not all Superman games have had a history of mediocrity to downright 'crapiness', whilst some put this down to the franchise being cursed, a more logical explanation might be the problem of challenging an omnipotent character. Well not entirely omnipotent, but in the grand scheme of things there isn't much that can put a dent in the man of steel, so what then is the best course of action for making a video game? Well developers of Superman Returns, Santa Cruz Games and Tiburon have come up with a couple of potential solutions; one: impose ridiculous time limits and two: give the city of Metropolis where the game is set, a health bar of it's own. Although Superman is supposed to be 'faster than a speeding bullet', the game knocks that down a couple of notches in order to enforce said time limits, forcing Supes to focus on his other powers (unfortunately not very well, more on that later).

On the surface these ideas may seem logical, but unfortunately the realisation and presentation is for the most part, appalling. The game is broken down into 25 different missions all of which are spread out over a board game-esque layout akin to the Mario Party series. It is here that the game starts on its downward spiral to disaster that not even Superman can prevent. Metropolis is split into said squares that Superman and his nemeses must traverse. At the beginning of each 'turn', the player (Superman) and his opponents are all allowed to move a certain number of squares around the board. The goal for any super-villains is to cause disasters that lowers Metropolis' health bar whilst Superman's job is of course to prevent these disasters. Movement is done via the touch screen, even though there is little need for it given that you can only move one square at a time anyway, something that could quite easily have been done with a button press.

Already we have stumbled across an issue, despite the game being based on the events from the recent movie; the developers have felt it necessary to include a plethora of Superman's previous foes from the comics to help extenuate the chaos. Whilst this might sound positive, especially for fans of the superhero; in reality each of the characters are introduced with very little explanation as to why they have been included at all. All the information the player gets is that each villain is out to be naughty and that you have to stop them. As fans of the comics will know, each of these bad guys have their own back stories that are complex and often intertwined, yet they are included without so much as a nod to their histories. Hardly a massive issue for an action based videogame you might say, but something extra would have been nice, if this is the first time you've heard of Mongul then you are going to have no idea what's going on at all (of course you probably won't care, so maybe it all works out in the end anyway).

Anyway, once you land on a disaster stage you are chucked into the barren world of Metropolis for your first taste of Supes almighty powers. Alas we don't refer to Metropolis as barren because it's been deserted on account of the impending danger, but rather because everything is so bland. Buildings are simplistic and blocky; streets are completely empty except for mission-sensitive objects such as the occasional pedestrian or venting pipeline. These missions generally take the form of some simple task like unmasking robots and destroying them with your heat vision, or locating explosive trucks with your X-ray vision and chucking them into space. Unfortunately you only get to use the powers that you need to complete the task you have been issued. Whereas the console versions of the game have been praised for a sense of freedom, the DS iteration takes the complete opposite route by forcing you to do exactly what it wants you to, and with a ridiculous time limit to boot.

It is this time limit that provides one of the games biggest nuisances. Most of the missions will only take a minute or two to complete if done correctly, but if you mess up even once or twice then the odds are you won't have enough time left to recover, and you guessed it; you fail. Rather than let you try again at your whim the game forces you to peruse some other disaster on the board. Perhaps even more annoying, though are the plot-sensitive missions that relate to the events from the film. Contrasting to other missions the game forces you to replay these missions indefinitely until you complete them. Of course none of this would be that bad if it weren't for the monumentally aggravating glitches and lackluster controls you are forced to put up with. For example, the first plot-sensitive mission entails rescuing the plane/rocket ship combo that is harboring Lois Lane. For this all you have to do is control direction and speed, simple, right? Wrong! As the plane spirals down to Earth panels and hatches fly off towards you preventing your ability to catch up and do your thing. Thanks to the ridiculous time limit, though, if you get hit by even one (and trust us you will) you lose so much distance that it becomes near enough impossible to catch up at all, and so you are forced to restart, again and again and again and... sigh.

Separate to the disaster stages are the boss battles. Finally, we murmured to ourselves, a bit of full-blown fighting action to give return at least some dignity to the greatest hero of all time. But wait, what is this? They've taken the core of every dance game out there and made it the basis for combat? Oh that's logical, after all no-one can really challenge Superman's might so they've made combat so awkward and irrelevant that the player can fail for him! Brilliant. So no matter who you are fighting, be it Braniac or Bizzarro, the same rules apply; tap A, B, X and Y at the correct times to initiate punches and kicks appropriately. This starts of as insanely difficult as you are forced to get your head around the location of the buttons in relation to their on-screen counterparts, but eventually moves to insanely easy as you get to grips with it and realise how very dull dance games are without music and dance mats...

So let's take a step back and examine exactly what we have here; first a turn-based, board-game-esque layout that does more harm than good. Then disaster missions that are so bare and dull in terms of gameplay and presentation that you're almost glad they only appear for a set time. Then on the other hand you have boss encounters that have so much potential only to be stripped down to a completely ridiculous form of combat that removes any element of 'wow that's cool!' in favor of repetitive monotony. Not to mention a plot so loosely held together by static cut scenes and practically non-existent music that you will either have no idea what is going on or you just won't care. Not even the Superman name could fool us into believing there is any decent content here, fair enough some sections could be fun if you were given a bit more time with them, but instead you're forced to rush through any enjoyable sections in fear of running out of time. If you really need to get yourself a Superman game this Christmas, do yourself a favor and pick up the slightly better console version (which unfortunately isn't available on the GameCube or the Wii...)