Wanking Simulator (PC) Review

By Athanasios 31.03.2020 7

Review for Wanking Simulator  on PC

The worst thing when it comes to all mediums of art and entertainment? Excuses. You know the ones: oh, don't judge this or that harshly, because "it's just a game for kids," it's just a low-budget indie," "it's artsy and means stuff," and the lamest of them all, "hey, it's just a silly comedy game!" This is exactly the deal with titles like Wanking Simulator. This one tries to be the next Goat Simulator, just one that wants to offer plenty of crude comedy and shock value, yet fails doing any of these, as it lacks what made Coffee Stain Studios' creation so entertaining, and doesn't even manage to create a snicker, or push any boundaries, despite its promising name.

At its core, Wanking Simulator is a first-person action-adventure sandbox, where you, a semi-naked dude with the hilarious name Gay, must go to Gay Bay (again, lots of laughs people), and carry out all sorts of objectives, destroying everything on your path to pass the time, and, yes, doing that while at it. Worry not, fellow gamer of culture, you won't get to see anyone… beating his meat here. By pressing Caps Lock, this wonderful specimen of a man gets into wanking mode, simulating the act with his hand. The reason, aside from building a meter that will let him use a couple of special abilities (what you've read), is of course to make you laugh.

You won't laugh. Like, at all. This just isn't funny. Leisure Suit Larry has purposely lame sexual innuendos, and a hero who gets in all sorts of wacky situations, Octodad has the titular octop… err, human struggling to carry out the simplest of tasks, and Surgeon Simulator has you essentially murdering your patients while you try to save them. This has you punching at beefy transvestites, blowing up cars, and… punching even more beefy transvestites, while also waxing your carrot. Oh, yeah, and you get to laugh with some crazy ragdoll physics, because ragdoll physics are funny. Like, for two seconds or so.

Screenshot for Wanking Simulator  on PC

The really bizarre thing? It plays it way too safe. It is light years away from how weird, silly, or offensive it thinks it is, when it could really benefit from being so. This is Saints Row without the character (aka, giant dildos). Think about it: this title is called Wanking Simulator, yet the funniest thing you'll see is a man bouncing around a room destroying the furniture because you punched him too hard - but you get to smoke weed and do LSD to fill your health and so on. This game is so freaking zany! Am I right fellas?!? Long story short, you won't get your wacky fix here…

Take away the "concept," no matter how disappointing the execution is, and in the end what you get is a boring sandbox where you can't exactly do much. Purposely silly games such as these are great when you can forget about your objectives, and just go crazy with the mechanics, but here you will mainly punch, kick, or blow out stock human models, watch them fly… and that's about it. Not exactly very… stimulating, is it? The laziness of the developer is even more evident in how this piece of software doesn't even run that well (the loading times will kill you), and how it lacks basic things, like the option to change the controls.

Screenshot for Wanking Simulator  on PC

Cubed3 Rating

2/10
Rated 2 out of 10

Very Bad

Wanking Simulator is just another bottom-of-the-barrel Steam game, and one that isn't as silly as its name suggests. Not a speck of humour can be found within, and the gameplay is unbelievably boring, as the sandbox world is almost devoid of things to do. You are better off doing the real thing. The best things in life don't cost £9.99, after all.

Developer

MrCiastku

Publisher

Ultimate Games S.A.

Genre

Action Adventure

Players

1

C3 Score

Rated $score out of 10  2/10

Reader Score

Rated $score out of 10  0 (0 Votes)

European release date Out now   North America release date Out now   Japan release date Out now   Australian release date Out now   

Comments

"Better off doing the real thing" Smilie That should be quoted on the official page Smilie

Adam Riley [ Director :: Cubed3 ]

This is just gross....question, in the first photo, are those supposed to be ninjas in bathrobes..

devidise said:
This is just gross....question, in the first photo, are those supposed to be ninjas in bathrobes..

Sorry. My mind has deleted all info about this game.

Can't a fella drink in peace?
                                -Farnham

Ofisil said:
devidise said:
This is just gross....question, in the first photo, are those supposed to be ninjas in bathrobes..

Sorry. My mind has deleted all info about this game.


That's fair.

Sexist69 (guest) 03.04.2020#5

Autor is such a puritan...He has no sence of humor. Must be feminazi (snowflake) for sure

Sexist69 (guest) said:
Autor is such a puritan...He has no sence of humor. Must be feminazi (snowflake) for sure

As I've told you in Steam, ​stop using words whose meaning you don't understand.

Also trying to be childishly offensive, and having "naughty" nicknames got old in the '90s.

Can't a fella drink in peace?
                                -Farnham

What the.... such an absurd concept that had potential to be a funny parody similar to Leisure Suit Larry. However, it seems that they missed the mark completely on here.

 

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