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I've been in one myself, but it didn't last (my fault though).

I'd say they can work, but if you're never going to see that person in your life, then I think perhaps not. To have a proper relationship of any kind, I really think you need to be able to spend some time with that person, as well. Skype is nice and such, but it's still not the same wonderful feeling of actually physically hugging someone and such.

I recently had an internet crush myself, which probably makes me sound slightly scary... But yeah, you meet some really nice people on the internet and ones that share similar tastes to you (as you said). So when you start talking to someone like I did and find out how wonderful they are, it just amazes me so much and kind of wish I could have a relationship with a person like that. I sound incredibly sad... I know, but yeah I do lack that part in my life.

That said, I am shy and lack confidence and the internet is way more easier to communicate with people than actually in person.

I think it's something you'd really need to think about and make sure it could really work and that you'd get to see this person. If you can live without any physical contact with a person, then maybe it could work, I guess it'd just be a different way of having a relationship.

Either way, good luck if you do go into one. You've always came across as a pleasant guy to me Josh. Smilie

( Edited 31.01.2012 12:08 by Marzy )

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Marzy said:
I recently had an internet crush myself, which probably makes me sound slightly scary... But yeah, you meet some really nice people on the internet and ones that share similar tastes to you (as you said). So when you start talking to someone like I did and find out how wonderful they are, it just amazes me so much and kind of wish I could have a relationship with a person like that. I sound incredibly sad... I know, but yeah I do lack that part in my life.

It doesn't make you sound scary or sad at all to me, I know lots of people who've had internet crushes, mostly girls but I've had a few myself. I wouldn't say it's rare if a decent portion of your social life is an internet social life. I guess everyone handles internet crushes differently though.

Oh yeah I remember yours actually, it was a shame it didn't last :c my ex and I were only together for about a month and a week so we hardly lasted either (but it doesn't bug me much since I don't think we were right for each other and yeah).

( Edited 31.01.2012 12:46 by SuperLink )

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To be honest, I said that because I felt uncomfortable mentioning it, I didn't want people to misjudge me. ^_^;

I certainly spend far more social time on the internet. In fact, I hardly go out much with people and I suck at socialising. Maybe I'm too uptight, but I can't seem to conform to today society, there's many things I just don't want to do and I shouldn't have to feel bad just because everyone else does it and thinks it's cool to do (drinking alcohol is probably the main one).

( Edited 31.01.2012 12:49 by Marzy )

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Marzy said:
To be honest, I said that because I felt uncomfortable mentioning it, I didn't want people to misjudge me. ^_^;

Yep I definitely know how you feel = n= I myself have been called creepy for doing or saying something that girls do all the time. Double standards everywhere.

I certainly spend far more social time on the internet. In fact, hardly go out much with people and I suck at socialising. Maybe I'm too uptight, but I can't seem to conform to today society, there's many thing I just don't want to do and I shouldn't have to feel bad just because everyone else does it and thinks it's cool to do.

I think everyone has a social niche in the real world, to a lot of people going out is a good way to unwind, for others it's not it just.. doesn't fit as well with some people. Not going out doesn't mean you can't have an irl social life though.

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Well my experiences are a bit different, but I'll chip in anyway. Most of my relationships have been long distance to some extend (typically ~50 miles), but this is mostly because most of my friends are scattered around the country. This means when I meet friends of friends or people on nights out, they're usually scattered around as well.

Obviously typical internet channels make up a significant proportion of the relationship (facebook, skype etc.), but really nothing compares to meeting he person face to face. Nothing comes close. Obviously it depends on how you define a relationship, but I can't see how you can ever be "boyfriend-and-girlfriend" (or bf-bf or gf-gf) if you don't meet them, and meet up several times. Obviously that doesn't mean that you can't care for them, or love them, or even share "romantic pleasures" (for want of a better word) through the internet.

I've also obviously met people through the internet, but it's only ever developed into something more than just friends when if I can meet the person. That's just me though.

PS: Also don't give up on meeting people irl. :p You meet tonnes of people at Uni, especially if you're even in the slightest bit social (for example joining a society, whatever it may be).

Now on twitter, predicting celebrity death headlines! @thedaytheydie

Maybe it's just me, but entering a relationship from friendship having built up feelings over time is really sweet, I could probably never be someone who says "she's cute, I'll ask her out". It.. doesn't make much sense to me, maybe because I'm a sensitive or empathetic person, I don't know if I could date someone I don't already genuinely care for, or that I know doesn't care for me back.

These are my feelings exactly. Unfortunately it's becoming more and more clear to me that most people don't seem to think the same way. Where as my feelings for people usually blossom from friendship, by that point it's too late for anything to happen, apparently.

The 'friend-zone' is the most frustrating and baffling of social enigmas. Apparently because I don't try to shove my tongue down a girl's throat within the first week of meeting her, I'm ignored. I don't care if I'm ignored because I'm ugly, or boring, or an awkward nerd, that's understandable. But when I'm told I'm funny, attractive and sweet... just not an option because I'm a friend... I don't get it. The past couple of years it's just become more and more obvious that so many girls really do just want a pushy, confident man-whore. /bittercynicism

EDIT:
BTW, long distance over the internet can work. My Mum met her husband on the internet, and he lived in a different country. Barely even spoke English. He moved over here and they've been happily married 2 years now.

( Edited 31.01.2012 13:37 by Ikana )

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Smilie

I love you Ikana. Smilie

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Cheesing it up said:
PS: Also don't give up on meeting people irl. :p You meet tonnes of people at Uni, especially if you're even in the slightest bit social (for example joining a society, whatever it may be).

Well like I said, I'm someone who goes with the flow, 'good things come to those who wait' etc. I've been at Uni for almost two years now, no societies I have an interest in are around anymore, and I haven't met anyone I like in that way.

But you know, I don't even mind, it's not something that's ever really bothered me. If I find myself happy in a promising long-distance relationship, I'm not going to abandon that to satisfy a 'what if' of meeting someone irl when I've never been in a hurry to meet anyone.

I mean like- my ex lives in the States and really when I split up with her that didn't really enter the equation? And if I like someone enough I wouldn't let distance bother me regardless of where on the planet they are. There's always the future = u=

Ikana said:
These are my feelings exactly. Unfortunately it's becoming more and more clear to me that most people don't seem to think the same way. Where as my feelings for people usually blossom from friendship, by that point it's too late for anything to happen, apparently.

The 'friend-zone' is the most frustrating and baffling of social enigmas. Apparently because I don't try to shove my tongue down a girl's throat within the first week of meeting her, I'm ignored. I don't care if I'm ignored because I'm ugly, or boring, or an awkward nerd, that's understandable. But when I'm told I'm funny, attractive and sweet... just not an option because I'm a friend... I don't get it. The past couple of years it's just become more and more obvious that so many girls really do just want a pushy, confident man-whore. /bittercynicism


Ah that sucks ;_; Admittedly I am/was a HUGE friendzoner, I care about friends more than anything and so there are a lot of friends I have where I wouldn't even consider having feelings for them due to that.
Still, the crushes I've had in the last few years have all been on people who were already my friends, even if (most of) those crushes didn't last long. (only one of those crushes was on a person I met irl oops)

But this is kind of why I think internet 'dating' is nice because generally this kind of romance is nurtured through personality and friendship anyway. So yeah it's a.. really double-edged sword.

PS. your edit gives me hope Smilie

( Edited 31.01.2012 13:41 by SuperLink )

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I share similar views on this as Marzy and SuperLink. I've only ever been a couple myself... though they only lasted a couple of weeks because I was told that I'm "too nice" or "too good for them". Or that they just "see me as a friend". I could go on about this for longer, but yeah.. I'd rather not.

Overall, I think they can be good things.. I've met 1 person irl that I met online, mainly because she was from a town that was next to mine. She came round my house.. but it was very awkward. She seemed like a really nice person, but sadly... we both were shy and didn't really talk all that much.

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I know that long distance relationships can work, not from personal experiences but from one of my best mates at Uni, he's 23 and recently got married to his wife who he's known since he was 15 from the internet. She comes from the U.S.A and they only decided to meet about 5 years into their relationship, and they're very happy from what I can tell.

But yeah, you'll eventually need that physical contact to move things on. But getting to know someone over the internet and having a relationship isn't wrong, just make sure she/he isn't taking you for a mug, I'm a person with a lot of trust issues and I usually have to spend quite a bit of time with someone before I know if they're right for me, which automatically counts a lot of girls out for me anyway, some won't even go out unless the situation is actually bf/gf or just friends, not in between.

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The 'friend-zone' is the most frustrating and baffling of social enigmas. Apparently because I don't try to shove my tongue down a girl's throat within the first week of meeting her, I'm ignored.

But surely most (non-internet) relationships are initially based on a physical attraction. If you don't act fast, it gives off the impression that that attraction isn't there, and hence you get stuck in the friend zone.

And obviously you don't have to shag a girl in the first week or whatever, you just need to make your intentions clear. Ask her out, kiss her on the cheek, whatever.
Also, I should point out that people generally don't wait until they know someone is "right" for them before going out, because by then it's usually too late. The most important thing is to be attracted to one another, be able to talk to each other and get your foot in the door. Once you're "in", it'll obviously fall apart if you're no compatible, but to be honest I think you can tell compatibility with a girl within a day or so of hanging out.
Having said that, the friend-zone is amazing easy to get yourself stuck in.

Well like I said, I'm someone who goes with the flow, 'good things come to those who wait' etc. I've been at Uni for almost two years now, no societies I have an interest in are around anymore, and I haven't met anyone I like in that way.

Fair enough. In fact that sounds like my first 2 years at Uni. Smilie Things changed a bit in the next 2 years though. Going with the flow is fine, and it's what I do 99% of the time. Just make sure you are going with the flow instead of just treading water. e.g. if a girl that seems cute happens to start flirting, then go with it! Don't hold back because you don't know her very well or whatever. Again, I'm not talking about sex or even snogging if that's not your thing, just flirt back a bit and keep in touch...make sure she knows you like her, that's the main thing.

^Or feel free to ignore me on all the above points, I'm hardly an expert after all.^

Now on twitter, predicting celebrity death headlines! @thedaytheydie
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I think it's important that you all don't give up on having a 'real' social life. Spending time with people in person is so much more fulfilling. If you're having trouble, join a social club for your interests! Get yourselves out there. Socializing isn't just for wild partying. That's not my cup of tea either.

Realistically, there should be no reason to be ashamed of being a gamer, it's becoming more acceptable but it's still got ways to go it seems.

I think gamers as a whole could do more to make themselves more acceptable. Neglecting course work, refusing to leave the room or interact with the real world, not showering etc. A lot of these things that I see gamers do shouldn't become socially acceptable. I think it's unhealthy. I love videos games and have no shame in admitting it, but I think people should be careful with how much time they consume. Any passion that goes too far becomes an addiction.


These are my feelings exactly. Unfortunately it's becoming more and more clear to me that most people don't seem to think the same way. Where as my feelings for people usually blossom from friendship, by that point it's too late for anything to happen, apparently.

Honestly, you probably need to give up on the friend's first thing if you like a girl. The friendzone is a black hole from which few lucky men escape. You do NOT have to be a dick/manwhore to get the girl, you just need to show confidence up front. Don't spend months as friends getting to know her wondering over whether you really like her or not. Ask her out. The early dating stage is where you determine whether you're serious about the girl or not. Not the friendzone.



( Edited 31.01.2012 16:24 by Jacob4000 )

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They're good points/advice and probably would be for a lot of people, but I think it further lends itself to the fact that people are really different. Smilie

For example, I don't really, ever, find someone attractive until I know them pretty well (this is why I have never in living memory had a crush on a celebrity). I get attracted to a person's personality, (someone might say I'm bordering on demisexual?) the only people I've ever found an attraction to irl are people who have already been my friends for some time. An on the internet I can be attracted to people without even knowing what they look like.

Interestingly all the people I know who've had crushes on me were through friendship.

It's probably because I'm 'ugly' or something but I have a really nice personality and once people actually see it they start to see me as cute or whatever.

So yep because of this I friendzone if someone I don't know asks me out I would be very uncomfortable. However if I've been friends with someone for a while there is a chance I'll suddenly be like "oH GOD i think i like you".

All that said I'm very happy with how things are for me right now.

EDIT: and like I said there are no social clubs for my interests unfortunately.

( Edited 31.01.2012 16:50 by SuperLink )

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Coincidently (though not in a relationship sense), I'm meeting up with an "internet friend" tomorrow, for the first time. He actually lives sort of near me, so this could be the first of a many meet-ups. It'll be nice to converse with someone who shares similar tastes as me.

Hopefully it'll go well, but yeah, I'm pretty nervous.

( Edited 31.01.2012 16:48 by Marzy )

SuperLink said:
I don't really, ever, find someone attractive until I know them pretty well (this is why I have never in living memory had a crush on a celebrity). I get attracted to a person's personality, (someone might say I'm bordering on demisexual?) the only people I've ever found an attraction to irl are people who have already been my friends for some time.

^ THIS ^

EDIT: I've not heard the term demisexual before, I just googled it. I think I'm definitely mostly demisexual. Not completely, since I (very very rarely) do get crushes on people I don't know just due to physical appearance, but I'd still never see a point in acting on it? And 99% of the time I can't be attracted to someone I don't already know well already.

I'm happy I know the term for it now, thanks. XD

( Edited 31.01.2012 17:38 by Ikana )

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Stars everywhere...

( Edited 31.01.2012 17:48 by Marzy )

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Ikana said:
I'm happy I know the term for it now, thanks. XD

You're welcome Smilie I thought considering there are lots of terms for things like pansexuality so maaybe there's a term for people who like people based on personality rather than appearance and yep that's me.

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That's interesting that you don't really have any attraction to girls on first sight. For me a girl's personality is the most important factor in determining whether things will work out, but there has to atleast be a base physical attraction to build from. If I just can't look at the girl, things probably aren't going to work.

and like I said there are no social clubs for my interests unfortunately.

How about you start one? There must be other people near you who like the same stuff. You'd be surprised.


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Jacob4000 said:
That's interesting that you don't really have any attraction to girls on first sight. For me a girl's personality is the most important factor in determining whether things will work out, but there has to atleast be a base physical attraction to build from. If I just can't look at the girl, things probably aren't going to work.

Well, I can have attraction at first sight, but it's really rare. Also, if a girl I initially think is cute turns out to have a personality I don't like, I'll instantly stop being attracted to her (I mean the actual physical attraction just vanishes). The reverse is also true. I'll know someone for years, and have no physical attraction for them whatsoever. Then if it reaches a certain point where we really start to bond, I'll start actually finding them physically attractive.

Also I've spent the last hour or so reading demisexual forums, my mind is blown. I had no idea that this was actually... a thing. I thought I was just weird. XD

( Edited 31.01.2012 18:20 by Ikana )

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Ikana said:
Well, I can have attraction at first sight, but it's really rare. Also, if a girl I initially think is cute turns out to have a personality I don't like, I'll instantly stop being attracted to her (I mean the actual physical attraction just vanishes). The reverse is also true. I'll know someone for years, and have no physical attraction for them whatsoever. Then if it reaches a certain point where we really start to bond, I'll start actually finding them physically attractive.

Yeah this is pretty much me.

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Long distance relationships they can work but they take a toll. Like losing your offline life a bit. What I do recommend is local social sites like myyearbook. Sure theres idiots but when isn't there? But then there's people. I was on myyearbook for over a year maybe close to 2. Not everyone's looking to date but for friendship or talk. It starts online then goes to off on occasion. I met my current bf on their two years ago. Was rejected by him the first time cause he wanted long distance.

He met that girl and realized that she was different offline. Very depressed all the time and fought with him for no reason. This was around the time he began to like me. So What seems perfect at the time might not be. He ended the whole thing around Christmas after a long time coming. By new years after a while of talking we decided to try a relationship. I took the risk of asking again.

Long dist is hard, I recommend the second closest which is a social site in your area Smilie

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