Sex and blood. Both sell, but, for reasons unknown, the first tends to draw quite the negative attention. Most are generally okay with all sorts if imaginative ways of cutting, slicing, and crushing body parts, but if a nice, ample, bouncy cleavage shows up… whoa! Abandon ship! Repent!! PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!! The cute, extra-thicc, titular heroine of Haydee is a victim of that attitude – kind of justifiable if you look at her impossible proportions and super sexualisation. Days after its release, and most reviews about her first adventure are very positive, therefore, this must be another of those “by pervs for pervs” products, right? Well, it turns out that this is a hidden indie gem. A gem that’s hidden between some mammoth breasts, that is.
Say what you will about some parts of the West, and especially “The Land of the Free,” but it has some serious issues with sexuality. Thankfully, Haydee Interactive is an independent, Russian developer, and people over there like their women e-x-t-r-a curvy, and their media are far from afraid to show it. The titular character can simply make the sexiest of video game characters blush, with booty more epic than the entirety of The Elder Scrolls franchise, and a pair of jiggling booba that barely lose the golden medal from the buxom Sunflower of Conker’s Bad Fur Day. Besides her measurements, Haydee, the titular protagonist of this tale, doesn’t just walk, but catwalk. Haydee doesn’t just crouch, she bends and shoves her majestic peach behinds right in your face. Yes, Haydee doesn’t have a face (and she is imaginary), but, hey, you can’t have everything, right?
Now, those expecting the gameplay portion of this to be just an excuse to enjoy some good ol’ T&A are in for quite the rude awakening. This isn’t one of those titles. This is Dark Souls with bewbs! On steroids!!! Haydee is much harder than FromSoftware’s line of RPG torture-o-ramas, as it leans closer to the merciless nature of games one could find on the NES, or on the PlayStation during the mid ‘90s, with the strange, almost fake and artificial looking facility she’ll have to escape from being nothing less than a series of rooms filled with some pretty unforgiving tests of skill.
Jumped too soon? Death. Fell from three freaking meters? Death. Pushed the wrong button? Death. Took too long (more than two seconds) to headshot the enemies that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and started running towards you? Irritating death. Strangely enough, this is still a very enjoyable ride despite all that, but it surely needs a certain kind of gamer to enjoy such relentless difficulty – and by the way, no, the softcore/hardcore modes only alter the challenge, not her wardrobe. Weirdos…
Haydee manages to seamlessly mix multiple genres, but while it looks like a third-person shooter (and it surely is one), it mostly revolves around platforming and puzzle-solving, which are usually combined, in the sense that finding where to jump can frequently become a puzzle in itself, especially since our busty heroine’s health can get decreased quite rapidly from falling even from the lowest ledge… which is a great way to teach extremely top-heavy lasses to avoid wearing high heels before setting off for an adventure. It’s basically the original Tomb Raider all over again, just harder, and with a protagonist that’s a lot bustier. Note that, from the action to the puzzles, and even to understanding what does what, Haydee is 101% old-school when it comes to explaining things. You either learn it all on your own, or you don’t. There’s no flashing icon pointing the way, no scattered piece of text giving you a clue. It’s all about your observation skills, and logical thinking.
The main dish here is exploration. It’s a metroidvania-style action-adventure where you try to go deeper and deeper into a labyrinth (and escape it) just by using your wits, reflexes, and the tools that will be discovered along the way. Aside from that, part of the challenge revolves around avoiding getting stuck with no resources. The (pleasant) item scarcity forces the lucky fellow behind Haydee’s buttocks to avoid using them very often (not the buttocks!), make every single bullet count, and, most of all, avoid saving too often, since doing so requires using a consumable item – which also means that saving after wasting precious resources is unwise.
After hitting the five hour mark, it all starts to feel a bit monotonous and hard. There are only two enemies available which is certainly one big flaw, but mostly it’s because you’ll have to do the same thing again and again, whether you are in part A, B, or C of the facility, with each region simply leaning more into the use of a specific item (like a gas mask, for example) than the others, while also making the puzzle-solving a bit tougher. Another point of aggravation is how the camera behaves. While technosexuals will love being so close to such an android, the view should definitely be pushed a few steps further back, because the game world is quite claustrophobic, making lots of battle scenarios extremely annoying, since Haydee tends to obstruct the view way too often (yay?).
A great deal of the fun derives from the overall mood, something aided by the audio-visuals. Our sexy girl is the star, yet the oversimplified, Portal-like design of this strange facility has a unique charm of its own. Furthermore, and while many will find it hard to believe it, Haydee can almost be spooky at times. Besides the non-obtrusive, atmospheric ambient music, the only thing that the player will get to hear is the heroine’s heels… and nothing else, giving it all a strong survival horror vibe – and wait to see those parts where she must put on her night vision goggles. Nothing ugly will jump from the shadows on these pitch-black areas, but you always feel like it will.
Like with Dark Souls, one of this title’s main inspirations, exploring new territory can be quite the tense experience. The unforgiving challenge will make you be in the moment every moment, scanning your surroundings for any sort of movement, always being ready for pretty much anything. Another nice similarity with Soulsbournes is the cryptic nature of the “plot,” which, to be honest, is even more so than those, since there’s only a tiny number of clues for gamers to ponder on… and it’s awesome! All in all, a great piece of indie software. Not for everyone, sure, but fans of unique titles with strong retro sensibilities are advised to try it out.
