Don't Crash (Wii U) Review

Much like RCMADIAX's previous titles, the developer has laid out all of its cards on the table from the start and what is presented, is the most barebones game possible. Two cars race towards each other in an ovular race track with two lanes and control is given to one of these vehicles of destruction and the only action is to change lanes with the press of a single button. The title of this game is Don't Crash and, as the name suggests, that is the goal of the main objective in this weird limbo dimension where the two cars are in an eternal game of chicken.

The most positive thing about Don't Crash is that it isn't broken, and that it works without any game ending bugs. That being said, it is so simplistic in its design that the developer would have to try really hard to find a way to make this not work properly. At its core, Don't Crash really isn't that different from Flappy Bird or Spikey Walls since it consists completely of constant tapping of a single button in order to avoid a Game Over. The speed does pick up whenever a collision is avoided, and with that a point is earned, along with bonus points if lanes are changed just at the last second, similar to the Burnout series, in a way. This kind of "depth" (if it could be called that) is truly shocking to see and does make things slightly more interesting since now there is some element of risk reward.

There is no substantial content, just an eternal game of chicken where a tally is earned for not getting killed in a pathetic looking crash made up of generic looking cars… Oh, and there is a background change every so often. Do not get too excited, though, since there are only three different static backdrops that fail to excite even a four-year-old. There is also one piece of forgettable bog standard music that gets old after 20 seconds and the urge to mute the television will take undoubtedly take hold. Hitting silence on the remote control is probably the most satisfying game mechanic to be found, in all honesty, as the main meat is something that even Wario would reject from one of his mini-game compilations.

Don't Crash costs $1.49, which is outrageous considering this piece of software is less substantial than a browser-game or any freeware title that can be found on the Internet. Anyone who plays this will lose interest after a minute or two when the novelty wears off and the realisation that $1.49 was wasted and can never be returned. Don't Crash is a harrowing experience that degenerates the mind into grey sludge and will make the world seem more bleak because such a soul crushingly basic product illustrates that the general population is just so average. It is a game that doesn't even respect the lowest common denominator and aims for the most basic of reptilian functions of the human brain, using the laziest of Skinner-box design. The best thing about Don't Crash is that it won't actually make the Wii U system crash and breakdown.